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Madeline McCann & Parental Double Standards
Yes, the McCanns shouldn't have left their kids alone. Yes, the police should have considered them as suspects from the beginning. Not because of anything particular to this case, but just given the fact that many children who go missing do so because of parental involvement. I'm undecided as to the evidence, it seems like there's an argument to be made for both sides. And the fact that the crime scene wasn't secured properly from the beginning presents certain obstacles to the credibility of the evidence.
But one thing I want to comment on as a feminist is how Kate McCann merely writing about what are pretty normal parental feelings in her diary is being used to paint her as a bad mom & possibly a killer. What parent who spends a lot of time with toddlers hasn't found them exhausting? They're adorable, but you have to keep your eye on them constantly. I read an article years ago where it says they have mobility infants don't have (being able to walk around), but haven't developed the normal, healthy fear older children have of things like fire, electrical sockets, high places, etc. I don't have any kids of my own, but from about 10 or so through my teens, I helped out a lot with my younger relatives, family friends' kids & neighbor kids. And that article is exactly right about toddlers.
They're a wonder to watch, it's fascinating to see their minds grow & catch onto things. They're funny & extremely lovable. But they can and do run you ragged. Part of that development is growing into their own person/personality. Sometimes they demonstrate their autonomy by being deliberately defiant. It's part of the process and I would never accept it as an excuse to lash out at a child. But it is challenging, making sure you discipline the child enough so they don't become a brat and incosiderate of other people, but not too harshly either physically or on their self-esteem. I always went with empathy, trying the "you don't want me to do that to you, do you? Then why did you do it?" Or if they were too young to understand that & they'd say, hit me, I'd exaggerate the pain & pretend to cry. Which would make them feel bad and I felt kind of guilty for that, but once I saw they felt bad, I'd say it was better and tell them not to do it again.
Also, what parent doesn't worry about if he or she is doing a good job? And like many mothers, Kate found herself alone with a lot of the burden of it. Her husband was off playing tennis while she was putting the kids to bed the night Madeline disappears. Yet no one's judging Gerry McCann for playing tennis.
One of my concerns about Kate McCann being judged so harshly for voicing normal maternal feelings is what will it do to someone who is about to snap from parenting pressure & needs help? Seeing how Kate McCann is being judged for merely expressing normal feelings, will that person reach out to ask for help, knowing she will be condemned & scorned as a bad mommy? Or will she keep it bottled up inside, perhaps lashing out at a child?
